I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
