I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
