Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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