his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
