so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
