He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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