He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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