woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
