Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
