im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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