Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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