Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
