How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
