Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
