:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
