You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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