He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
