its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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