The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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