Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
