Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
