So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
