So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
