They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
