you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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