She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
