3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dicks are not precious.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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