You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
