Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

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(626): View more from California

It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.

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(207): View more from Maine

She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."

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(605): View more from South Dakota

My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day

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(847): View more from Illinois

couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.

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(406): View more from Montana

We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire

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