We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
