I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
