I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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