Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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