When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
