The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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