do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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