Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
