The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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