I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
