Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
