how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
