i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love you. Go after that dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
