"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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