For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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