I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
