oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
COCAINE IS GR8
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
