I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
