I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Say something about gay babies.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
