I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
