Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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