I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
