omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
