and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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