So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
