i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
