i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
