i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
