i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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